Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Kenapa Lambat Kahwin???

Rasa-rasanya kalau asyik post entri pasal politik je boring pulak kan? Jadi terimalah selingan ini. Apa2 pun, ia jelas menunjukkan sikap masyarakat Melayu Islam kita yang gemar mengikut trend secara membabi-buta(berkait dgn sikap politik masyarakat kita jgk ni=P). Artikel ini di ambil dari blog seorang rakan; klipkelip.blogspot.com . Sama-samalah baca dan hayati agar minda kita lebih terbuka kepada realiti dan kemudiannya sama2lah kita cari jalan penyelesaiannya:


Malaysians guys are getting married at older age. Why?
Let me give an example. It is a little bit long example. If you want
to skip it, there is a summary at the end.
Say you are a fresh graduate at that age of 23, a male, starting a carrier as an executive officer working somewhere in KL with a salary, say RM2000 per month and without any saving in the bank. Monthly, extracting your expenditures on foods, transportation (public or motorcycle), electricity, water, phone, house rent and other expenses, say you can save about RM800 the most. Then, because you are a good son, you send some money to your parents or relatives about RM300 per month. This will give you a balance of RM500 of saving. For the first year, maybe you are very discipline with your budget, so you save about RM5000.

The next year at the age of 24, you meet a girl of your dream. Both of you plan to get married after one year or two. Ok,that's fine, it gives you time to save some more money and some more time to prepare the basic necessities for a 'happy' family? a car and a roof to
live under. That year because you are a hard worker, you get a raise of 10%.
Since you are also a gentleman, you make sure some money is put aside
to spend on dates and gifts for your girl, so 10% goes for her. Like the
previous year, after much sweat and meggie-eating months, you save another
RM5000. Your company is doing ok. You are paid 2 months bonus. So,
another RM4000 is added to your saving. So, your total saving now is
RM14,000. You decide to spend about RM8000 on a brand-new RM40,000 car
down payment. So, you net saving that year is RM6000. The next year at the age of 25, you are doing fine at work. But because now you have to pay for car every month, your total
monthly saving is cut down to about RM400. You save roughly about RM5000
that year. No bonus that year because your company is doing poor. So, your
total saving in the bank is RM11,000. Then, you decide to get engaged with
your girlfriend. She said OK. So, need to buy an engagement ring. RM1500
is spent on ring plus 'hantaran pertunangan'. So, your net saving that year
is RM9,500.

The next year at the age of 26, you get promoted. Your salary now is 1.5 of your starting salary at the company. Good news! You think. "Ok, this year I will get married". You also are 'gersang' already. So, you ask your fiancée "how much is the dowry (hantaran)? " She say, "berapa-berapa yang u sanggup". You ask,"RM5000 ok?". She replies, "I okay je. Tapi my mom tu. Dia kata grad oversea macam I ni mane boleh letak rendah-rendah. Paling kurang RM10,000 tau!".
Your eyes 'terjegil', your tounge 'meleleh' and you faint on the spot. "Where else in the world can I get extra money?", you say to yourself.

But, because you are very determined to get married with your dream girl and in the name of love, you work really really hard that year until you are awarded "The Best Employee of The Year". You get 3 months of bonus. You also do some side business to supply ayam pencen. So, roughly your net saving at the end of that year is RM20,000. Ok, now you are 27 years old with enough saving in the bank to pay for the dowry. But then, come your mom saying,"Anak mak nak kawin ni mesti la buat grand grand. Kita sewa khemah besar-besar, jemput
penyanyi ke artis ke sorang dua datang buat persembahan. Lauk pauk kita
cater aje la ya? RM10 je sekepala. Baju kawin ko, kita sewa yg cantik-cantik
dan mahal-mahal sket. Kita jemput dalam 1000 orang datang ok?"
You did a quick in-the-head-calculation, "1000xRM10=RM10,000, penyanyi
lagi, khemah lagi, buta-buta je RM15,000!!! Tu tak masuk cincin kahwin
lagi!!" You say,"Mak, nak buat apa membazir-bazir duit ni?"
Your mom replies,"Apa pulak membazirnya? Kau kawin sekali je seumur hidup.
Biarlah buat betul-betul." You insist,"Tapi mak?" Your mom says, "Dahlah, kau jangan nak buat malu mak. Cik Tipah jiran kita tu buat kenduri kat hotel siap dato, datin, tan sri
puan sri lagi datang. Mana la mak nak letak muka kalau buat kenduri kecik
kecik?".

Anyway, you finally get married. But, a beautiful happy life after marriage
that you dream of with your wife does not last long. You have debts around
your waist, interest gets higher every month, cannot afford to pay them,
you wife gets tired of you asking money from her, she accuses you of being
irresponsible husband for not being a good provider, blah blah blah? At the
end, you two go into separate ways? You get divorced. Problem breeds problem? Sometimes we wonder whymarriage institution is failing in our country. The above example may
not represent the whole phenomena in our culture, but perhaps it gives
us some ideas of the problems young couple these days are facing in
getting married from my perspective.

The Root Cause of The Problem...
There is something wrong in our culture. I really think there are some practices in our culture in Malaysia (Malay culture specifically) that do not make sense and especially they are contrary to
the teaching of Islam. These practices are well-rooted in our culture that
unfortunately because of them, many people are 'afraid' to get married, or
simply feel like they cannot afford when they are actually can afford.
These are some of my observation and summary analysis:
(1) Marriage should be done in the most modest way but
in Malaysia, it is ought to be done in the most lavish way. Competition
on whose wedding is the most grandeur is almost unavoidable. Fame is
usually the reason why people spend unreasonable and wasteful amount of money
for a wedding.
(2) The "price" of a woman is measured according to her perhaps educational
background, physical attributes and family social status not according to
her knowledge and understanding of Deen and piety as suggested by the
religion. The saddest thing is that "price" is put on women, who are
supposed to be, if God-loving, kind-hearted and pious ones, "priceless"!
'Dowry' system is adopted by the Malays from perhaps the Indians who came
to Malaysia long time ago. When the 'dowry' is put too high and men can't
afford to pay, marriage is usually delayed or cancelled. An effort to build
another small brick unit of this Deen is delayed or perhaps destroyed only for this reason.
(3) Marriage should be a quick and easy process for the couple not hard, which eventually becomes a burden. These days, we make marriage so complicated that people are afraid of getting married. When I was in the US, I saw Muslim brothers and sisters getting married at the mosque, with just some sweets as the main course for the guests. The guests who were
invited to witness the ceremony were usually whoever prayed jemaah at the mosque or some close relatives and friends. There is no point of being extravagance. We should focus on the life after wedding not the wedding itself. Wedding is only a door to the marriage house. Why should we spent a lot of money to decorate the door so beautifully, when the inside of the house is then left empty, dark and unattractive?
...and the pressure is on men...

13 comments:

fatin said...

hixx....at last...
something fun to read....=p

aisamuddinMH said...

fun??!
perkara serius tu fatin oii
=P

fatin said...

hehe..
different gender.different views!!
lolx~~
hixx....

aisamuddinMH said...

haih...kesian kaum laki zaman skrg..
sbb org cam kmu la=P

fatin said...

saye tidak terlibat....=p

aisamuddinMH said...

ah..kmu sama je!

a traveller said...

...tu pentingnya mencari yg paling sesuai [refer hadis]. teruskan berdoa. moga smua mendapat yg terbaik utk dunia & akhirat. insya Allah. fastaqim kama umirta...

wallahua'lam
segala puji hanya bagi Allah, Tuhan sekalian alam

aisamuddinMH said...

betul tu saudara
tp masalah timbul apabila ibu bapa terlampau inginkn persepsi masyarakat yg meninggi dan memandang soal perkahwinan ini sbg satu alat untuk melambangkn status keluarga.Permasalahan ini bagai menghampirkan kita ke zaman kaum lut dahulu. yg wajib itu perlu ada, tetapi yg adat tu sangat membebankn.

a traveller said...

ana setuju. memang susah nk ubah mindset yg dah tertanam dalam minda ibubapa dan dah melarat kepada generasi kita sendiri. Nak lengkapkan separuh dari agama pun susah. Masha Allah. Jadi...apa tindakan seterusnya ya akhi?

Anonymous said...

sesuatu yg bernilai takkan diperolehi dengan cara yang mudah..semua perlu ada dengan usaha..menghargai kesusahan dan keperitan ibubapa telah lalui demi membesarkan anak gadis mereka..untuk seorang jejaka mendapatkan gadis itu, untuk milikinya seumur hidupnya,tidak terkiranya wang hantaran yang diberikan..kerana gadis itu adalah lebih bernilai..hidup adalah suatu perjuangan yang memerlukan bukan sedikit perjuangan.harus sentiasa berkorban walaupun sesuatu itu adalah suatu cabaran yang besar..untuk mendapatkan sesuatu yang bernilai, perlulah sanggup berkorban tanpa mengira wang dan tenaga..setiap yang dilakukan dalam dunia ini ada hikmahnya..jika sesuatu itu deperolehi dengan melalui rintangan yang hebatnya, barulah ada kepuasannya..yang bulat takkan datang bergolek, yang pipih takkan datang melayang..apa yang saya ingin katakan di sini, apa yang nak di hairankan dengan wang hantaran yang tinggi, sedangkan ibubapa gadis itu telah melaburkan wang yang berlipat ganda dari wang hantaran itu..kerana gadis itu akan menjadi milik seorang jejaka yang akan memuaskan dia itu sepanjang hidupnya..persiapan perlu dilakukan..memang logiknya seorang jejaka berkahwin pada umur 25thn ke atas demi membina ekonomi yang kukuh dan mencapai kematangan untuk memikul tanggungjawab..fikir-fikirkan lah..
p/s:maaf jika ada yang tersinggung..

a traveller said...

Ana setuju dgn anonymous. Kita (sbg orang islam) nk memudahkan dan menghalalkn hubungan lelaki & perempuan ajnabi (jadi, xde masalah berlakunya perkara-perkara yang mendekati zina yang sangat menular di kalangan muda-mudi zaman sekarang... la taqrabu zinna). islam itu mudah dan praktikal. Tanda apresiasi amat essential, itu kena berbalik pada pihak lelaki&perempuan yang ingin berkahwin. Kena tengok tujuan perkahwinan... Nak kahwin, kena consider banyak perkara - makan/minum/keselesaan etc. Tapi, perkahwinan itu melengkapkan separuh dari ibadah dimana separuh lagi adalah taqwa. Banyak kelebihan berkahwin (nikah) berbanding bercouple/bertunang...

Persoalannya bukanlah harga, tapi kesedaran. Adakah yang ingin berkahwin tahu matlamat perkahwinan? Adakah setakat melampiaskan nafsu? Adakah yang berkahwin tahu tanggungjawab masing-masing? Adakah sudah bersedia untuk menanggung tanggungjawab tersebut? Apabila satu pasangan berkahwin, mereka akan juga bertanggungjawab terhadap each other dan di masa hadapan anak-anak. Perkahwinan bukan setakat memberi hantaran/ beli baju kawen/ pelamin/ bersanding/ dan wang, ia lebih dari itu...

p/s: kahwin umur 25 bagi lelaki adalah sunnah. sbb Rasulullah s.a.w mengahwini Siti Khadijah r.a. pada umur 25..

wallahua'lam

a traveller said...

...adat orang melayu xsemestinya berlandaskan syaria'h dan menunjukkan islam yang sebenar. Islam bukan adat atau norm atau apa-apa la...ia lebih dari itu. islam adalah yang syumul, lengkap dan melengkapi fitrah manusia.

al-islam ya'lu wa la yu'la 'alaihi
...islam itu tinggi dan tidak ada yang menandingi ketinggiannya...

peringatan untuk diri sendiri.
tepuk dada tanya iman...

wallahua'lam

Anonymous said...

betul..org zaman skrg yg suka menyusahkan perkara yg sepatutnya jd mudah..t'lalu m'ikut adat,akhirnya diri sndiri yg melarat..x meletak prioriti pd tmpat yg sepatutnya..

wallahu'alam..

*diri ini sndiri pun belum pasti lg..hanya m'harapkan yg t'baik insyaAllah..